On Burnout

So much for the weekly updates, though their absence does pertain to the content of this post.

Not too long after I got the last update up, I crouched down to check my car tyre after helping a friend move and felt a mild spasm in my back. Fast forward all of an hour and a half, and I was struggling to make my way into the supermarket to pick up some painkillers without passing out. I’ve experienced back spasms periodically for a good long while, but I’ve never been in a position where I’ve been rendered as immobile as I was for the following few weeks, and I am not good at inactivity, particularly when I’ve got a lot to do.

Now, this could all be an unfortunately timed physical health issue, and in a lot of ways that is what it was, but it has now been mentioned enough times in various contexts that I think it was exacerbated, if not entirely caused, by burnout; something that seems to be further supported by the mental exhaustion that I’m still trying to pull myself out of. I’ve generally always tried to work through most kinds of burnout – it’s never a conveniently timed thing, and I often find myself dragging myself to the finish line on one project or another before having a little crash and carrying on, but I think running on not enough recuperation for the amount of years that I have, on numerous fronts, leads to something pretty catastrophic that I think in this case has manifested both physically and mentally in a sort of shuddering spluttering shutdown. A poorly maintained machine shaking itself apart, sloughing off parts and plating as it collapses.

I think the positive of this is the realisation that things can’t continue as they are, and in a lot of ways that has led to all the recent decisions to try at this art stuff full-time, as well as relocate and make some serious decisions on what I continue persevering with. You can only keep banging your head against the same wall for so long until it becomes a bloody mush, after all. But the problem with that is that these changes and the required setup and promotion, particularly in relation to working within or in relation to The Creative Industries whilst trying to retain some degree of morals and independence, actually require an inordinate amount of effort. I’m in a more privileged position than most in that I do have access to enough support to try and make a go of this in the short term, but I think even with that it’s access to difficulty rather than impossibility. So much of this stuff requires some kind of financial investment, even just in terms of being able to generate work to then submit or use as promotional material or product, and I think it’s very difficult to invest much thought in creative development of any sort if it is relentlessly tied into the next paying gig, if there will be one or if you’ll even get paid. I think the endeavour becomes working out how to spend less time sat in front of platforms and emails and more time trying to achieve the security to just be making stuff sustainably, which is what it’s actually about. This has drifted into an argument for Universal Basic Income really, but I think culture suffers overall when you force the people making stuff into hierarchical funding pathways, moral compromise, or just pure desperation, and we are left with what is quick and marketable.

So that’s where I’m at with it, I think. I had designs on this being a very well written essay that had something important to say(there is definitely some more long form ‘the way things work is bad’ stuff t come when I can articulate it better) , but actually it’s kind of just a notice that this stuff is exhausting regardless of what circumstances it has to be fitted around and that I still haven’t really worked out how to deal with burnout in an environment where it seems to be both ‘part of the job’ and an enormous hindrance to getting anywhere.

On to actual updates. There’s a new section on the digital image bit of the site containing a bunch of posters painted up for a run of dates I’m doing with Plague Rider and Horrendous. These are all digitally painted, and I’m pretty happy with how they all came out given the turnaround time on them. I haven’t actually managed to get a post up on the site about this, but I am now very much open to commissions, so get in touch if you’d like something similar. The images’ll be at the end of the post too, but here are the dates:

10.08.25: London, The Black Heart
11.08.25: Leeds, Boom
12.08.25: Glasgow, Stereo
13.08.25: Newcastle, Think Tank

There are a couple of Lenz dates at the end of the month too:

28.07.25 – Newcastle, The Cumberland Arms
29.07.25 – Bristol, The Cube

There’s a few more bits and bobs in the works as well, now that I’ve started to get a bit more of a handle on the brain fog, through I am still very much in sorting infrastructure and relocation still. The enormous on demand print gallery should be up during the week and I think I’m going to plow through some more quick daily drawings next week to get my head back in the right place. I’ll save the rest of the general updates for quick posts during the week so this doesn’t get too unwieldy, and stick to long form updates on Sundays.

I’ve been thinking it’d be nice to do some kind of playlist of albums listened to during the week, but for now I’ll just post this track by mates in Giver Over, because the lyrics have been a bit of a motivational mantra of late. They’ve got 7″s for sale so definitely go pick one up.

LIFE IS A THREE PIN
LOVE IS THE CIRCUIT BREAKER
YOUR PALS ARE THE RUBBER SOLES
I AM A KNIFE IN THE SOCKET YEAAAA
I ALWAYS THOUGHT
I DESERVED
A BETTER CHANCE
AT BEING SUMMAT
TURNED OUT THAT
I’D DRAGGED MYSELF
IN TO THE MIRE
I OWNED THE FOOT ON MY HEAD
YOU CAN’T
MAKE ANYONE
PRETEND THEY WANT TO BE SAVED
I WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN
JOIN ME HERE IF YOU FUCKING DARE

Cheers if you’ve read this far, this is actually quite good for my head so I’ll endeavour to keep it up.